Clover Gabriel

Our Dear Clover (This is what he would have looked like, this is his idential twin brother Jaimes)



Conceived - 2002
Into a tummy - 2006
Lost to the World - June 2007
Arrived in the World - August 2007

www.a-little-wish.co.uk For Surrogacy and Post Pregnancy Hysterectomy

Clover and little embie have 11 siblings in the freezer awaiting the chance in the world :) ...

We need the help of a surrogate to try again... More information here -
http://surrogacy.a-little-wish.co.uk/membership.aspx

Thank you for visiting :) and Love and prayers to your loved ones :)

* Our little Clover does not have any relatives to come and visit him. To all those that are
leaving wonderful candles, tributes and pictures. It is amazing that so many take the time and
lovely to know others care too ... *

I was given a post pregnancy hysterectomy after the arrival of your brother in 2000.

I did not want this operation, I refused consent for it and did NOT medically need it.

The only way for us to add to our family was host surrogacy. Lots of people tried to stop us from
creating you. We created some of your siblings in 2001 and in 2002 you were created with 6 other
little embies :)

You were conceived back in 2002 and then put in the freezer, with hope in our hearts we hoped you
would come out again. We had to wait until 2006 until you were given a chance of comming into the
world via host surrogacy. You amazed us by being strong and we first saw you at 12 weeks at a scan
and had surprised us all by being an identical twin!! We all cheered for joy!! You continued to
grow well however Mummy just had a feeling not to get too excited before 28 weeks, even though as
everthing was ok at 20 weeks, 24 weeks, 26 weeks it was hard not to ...

Finally the 28 week scan came and we were devastated to find that you no longer had a heartbeat, we
had lost you. Nothing can prepare you for the silence of the sonographer ... How Mummy had known
down to the week we will never know.

The doctors tried to tell us it had happened about 25 weeks even though you heart had been heard at
26 weeks ...

When you arrived you were big and long and they agreed 28 weeks. We had had to wait many weeks to
see you and we knew we may loose your brother too.

When you arrived the midwives refused to allow us to hold you whist you were still warm, and Mummy
was never able to have a picture holding both her loved and wanted sons.

The first time I saw you I am so sorry I could not hold you, they had kept you in the fridge and you
were so cold I could not do so. My love for you as strong as ever.

I will try to change things so no other Mummy is refused to hold her lost baby.

Mummy, Daddy, BB and your twin brother love you, miss you and speak of you everyday.

J is now six months ... and we see in your brother what we have lost, you have the most beautiful of
smiles and hearing you both laugh at once would have been magical. Would you have been a standing
bundle too?

J is now eight months ... would you also be crawling. Jaimes has fallen asleep playing on the
floor, would you be doing that too?

Would you also be pulling yourself up?

We wonder if you would be crawling together, side by side, would one always take the lead, or would
you prefere to stay and play rather than explore?

J is nearly eight months ... he is copying to clap :) and starting to stand for a few seconds on his
own :) We are so happy he is able to do these things after his stroke. We talk of you every day
and just cant imagine you both together. As we always do we lit candles for you and little embie
today :)

J will offically be 1 in a couple of weeks and he is walking well. We had *a little wish* get
together on 5th and I told J he needed to be walking for it - and he did! :) We wondered if you
would be walking too! We missed you at that meeting as we do every day and spoke of you too.

It is nearly a year since you arrived in the world and I am getting together the party things for J.
Wondering what to do for you too :) As usual planning a cake for you too. If you had arrived safe
in the world Mummy had planned to have a party separately for you both - even though identical -
having your own identities ...

I have been trying to find cards for you, however its not easy. There was a perfect card in the
shop ... if you had been a girl. It was a first birthday for a daughter with a girl angel and an
angel teddy ... so so wish they had had one for a son ... would have been perfect! I was in tears
looking for a card. The ones picked are not perfect but the best I could do ...

Well you would be a year and a bit :)

It was your memorial service on Sunday (19th October)
For some reason I was drawn to looking at a certain place in the church. I imagined Chrissy sitting
there with you on her lap watching us ...

*****

This is a hymn that is 'sung' at the memorial organised by the hospital. I say 'sung' as I cant
mangage it - I always cry ...

Hymn (Sung to the tune “Morning has broken”)

Fleetingly known yet ever remembered,
These are our children, now and always,
Those whom we see not, we will forget not,
Morning and evening, all of our days.

Lives that touched our lives, tenderly, briefly.
Now in the one light, living always,
Named in our hears now, safe from all harm now,
We will remember all of our days.

As we recall them, silently name them,
Open our hearts, Lord, now and always;
Grant to us, grieving, love for the living;
Strength for each other all of our days.

Safe in your peace, Lord, hold these our children;
Grace, light and laughter grant them each day;
Cherish and hold them till we may know them,
When to your Glory we find our way.

*****


Missing you as always

Love hugs and more hugs - it would be nice to know you visit :)

So beautiful, so loved, so wanted, so missed ...

more to follow...

We need the help of a surrogate to try again now that the law has been changed...

Thank you for visiting :) and Love and prayers to your loved ones :)